know my heart in and out, test my heart unto the deep, deep calls to d
by Floranna
Summary: Jo, Ellen and Cas in the car to kill the devil.


**AN:** This is my SPN Summergen 2013 story.

Jo kept tapping the dashboard and sneaking furtive glances to the backseat. Castiel had a far-off look on his face. She didn't know if he was paying any attention at all, or if he was hyper-aware of everything around him. Ellen was keeping her eyes fixed on the Impala riding in front of them, waiting some sort of signal of trouble or confusion.

"Stop it", Ellen snapped and Jo flinched surprised, but tried to cover it up immediately. It was still strange how - even after all these years of hunting - her mother could still make her feel like a child that needed scolding. A warm hand covered her own and Jo turned her head towards her mother. Ellen was still looking at the road, but squeezed, trying to give some comfort and convey her apology without using words. Jo flipped her hand over and squeezed back, until Ellen removed hers to hold the steering wheel.

Castiel was looking at her rather intensively now, like he was trying to read her. It made her feel uncomfortable and small. She started to look out of the window but could still feel Castiel staring at her. She turned her head to get a proper look at him, but he didn't move a muscle nor turned his gaze. When this continued for several minutes, Jo bit out: "Okay Cas, is there something you'd like to say?"

"You are not afraid."

Jo looked at Ellen who reflected back her surprise. "What do you mean by that?" Ellen asked.

"You are not afraid of meeting the devil. You are anxious and restless, but you do not exude fear nor terror."

"Yeah well," she started to stammer and tried her hardest not to blush, "fear would't help me, would only make me reckless."

There was silence in the car until Ellen broke it "There's nothing wrong with a little fear. It tells us what is risky, warns us when something doesn't feel right and makes sure we calculate the risks. Sometimes, surviving means certain amount of cowardice, or knowing when to run. It's those who aren't afraid, no matter what, that are the most dangerous to people around them."

Jo looked at the Impala again, and she knew her mother and Cas were staring at it too. No one wanted to say anything, but Jo knew what the others were thinking. Or at least what her mother's thoughts were, Castiel was much harder to read.

Ellen sighed and continued: "But sometimes you can't run, no matter what."

"We have a chance to stop the apocalypse before it truly starts. We need to stand tall, to attack. We have the Colt, and they do not know we have it. They might be prepared for us coming there, so we need to be careful until we get Lucifer in our sights." Ellen's voice was calm, collected and stable and Jo nodded at her words, after which silence reigned yet again. Suddenly she looked at Jo and said: "Whatever happens, know that I have your back. No matter what."

"I know mom", Jo answered somberly. This was something she had never doubted in her whole life. Not in Roadhouse, not in her time spent hunting with Rufus nor afterwards. She had always known that if she was in danger and mom found out about it, she would come running.

About thirty minutes later, Jo grabbed one of her favorite guns and a cleaning kit from the glove compartment, and started to dissemble and clean it meticulously. After awhile she turned her head towards the backseat: "Are you sure that you don't want one?"

"Yes, I am quite sure."

The awkward silence continued until Jo started to fidget in embarrassment. "Mom, next time you see a gas station, stop there. I need to take a leak." Ellen gave a surprised snort and her eyes twinkled with mirth as Jo scowled at her.

Ellen was still smirking, when a sign for a gas station three miles ahead appeared "Call Dean or Sam to tell we will take a small break here."

Jo groaned, dug up her phone and dialed. Dean answered, and after she told him what she had to say, he started to laugh uncontrollably. "Shut up asshole. And stop talking to a phone while driving, it's dangerous", Jo bit out and snapped the phone shut. She knew that the retort was weak and ineffective, but other than punching him, nothing better came to her mind.

Both cars pulled over to the station and Ellen got up to fill the tank. Jo marched inside, but raised her eyebrows when Dean followed her. He muttered: "Shuddup" in an annoyed tone, picked up a candy bar and went to the counter to get the key. Smirking, Jo grabbed a can of coke and followed him. The cashier was a bored-looking teenager, who mechanically handled the money and gave the key for both of them to use.

The toilet was surprisingly decently cleaned. Not that she was in anyway afraid of germs, because she had gone through various states of filthiness in her lifetime. A clean toilet though, was always a luxury she basked in, especially if it was unexpected like here.

Jo wondered why on earth her thoughts were on clean toilets right now, instead of on what was about to start in a couple of hours.

She brushed her hair back. Maybe she should cut it short. It wouldn't get in her eyes as much, and it would provide less of a grip for monsters and people that wanted to hurt her. Something practical and low-maintenance, so she could still make a believable Fed when needed, and she wouldn't need to use too much time in the mornings to make herself presentable.

She washed her hands and walked out. Maybe she could ask her mother to cut it, or even go to a hairdressers as a reward after this was all done and over with. Or get a massage from a real masseur. Or they all could watch a monster horror movie and laugh at all the inaccuracies. There would be time afterwards to choose.


End file.
